A641.7.3.RB - Appreciating Your “Real Self”

When I look at the real me and the timeline which I have lived my life, I find there are several patterns with how I respond to change. With my lifeline, I did not really begin to live until 2003 when I turned 18, this was the starting point of my life where I began to make my own decision, I left home and joined the military. From there, I got married, had children, moved a few times, and finally settled down in Tennessee for five years. From 2003-2009 my life was on the go because we were a military family and we moved a lot. When I finally settled down and stayed put for five years, my timeline slowed down until I needed a change because I was “bored”. I started school in 2010 and I got a job a year later, I was sitting still for too long and needed to add to my life. I am often told I am a person always on the go, I don’t sit still long enough even if I am recovering from surgery, I can always find something to do. When I refer to being busy, it involves my husband and children, church life, sporting events, and a few social events.

This leads to my social circle, it is very small by choice because I don’t need multitudes of friends to live life. Over the years, I have stepped back from having a lot of friends and weeded through to keep a small number of reliable, dependable, trustworthy friends. In my web of life, I have several people who are dissonant but a majority I consider resonant. The few who are dissonant, I keep them at a distance because they are either family or coworker and I am obligated to keep them in contact with them. However, I keep them at an arm’s reach to prevent additional problems or further intensifying the strain on the relationship. There is a pattern of keeping people at a distance when there is conflict, I avoid conflict with anyone because it causes a lot of stress and I do not want to say something I will regret in the future. I avoid the conflict with these individuals because they are emotionally draining and the take away from who I am as a person and bring out the worst in me.

However, my strengths that I rely on are compassion, forgiveness, perseverance, willingness, self-control, and faith. Although I avoid and stand clear of a few people in my direct social circle because I dislike conflict, I do try to use my strengths to work with these individuals because I will cross many people like this in my lifetime. I often forgive repeatedly because I feel it is important to forgive other’s because if I make a mistake I will want to be forgiven as well. I use self-control by not saying what I feel in a moment of frustration with those I keep at a distance when I am angry.

Finally, I wear many hats which include being a wife, mother, friend, daughter, sister, youth sponsor, coach, granddaughter, an accountant at home, veteran counselor, aunt, advocate for my children, and a child of God. Each of these roles is important and valuable to my life when one changes, I take on another. I value the roles I take on and I work hard at each one because they are my driving force and motivation for life. I work hard with everything I do give 100% even when I do not want to mentally but I persevere through challenges.  

A641.5.3.RB - ICT at the Team Level

The 2000 and 2004 “Dream team” of men’s basketball and the Olympic US women’s soccer team, have two very different outcomes in regards to their success and failure as a team. The intentional change theory has five discoveries, explained by Akrivou, Boyatzis, & McLeod (2006) which include an emergence of shared idea, vision, or dream, an exploration of norms, paradoxes, challenges, and gaps, the groups learning agenda, group experimentation and practice, and finally resonant relationships. How did one of the teams use the intentional change theory to change and succeed but the other team failed?

The women’s Olympic team was successful for the 2000 & 2004 Olympics because they started with a shared vision and leadership realized in the past they were too big and tried to grow too quickly, therefore; they understood they needed to take a new approach to win the Olympics, Litter (2011) explained that financial losses were enormous due to this. However, the team made a turnaround and they began to fundraise to start rebuilding to have the money to go to the Olympics, to train, and for equipment. This is where the team overcame a challenge as part of the five discoveries of the intentional change theory. Litter (2011) explained that many of the changes of women’s soccer and the perceptions can be attributed to changes throughout the country, both cultural and demographic. The culture of women’s soccer in the US was not fully supported nor did everyone share their views, however; when the team won the gold in the 2004 Olympics, the team left on a high note. The 2004 success changed the hearts of their supports and Litter (2011) explained that the creation and growth of women’s soccer in the US was a process of assembling the components, which started with youth programs through college leagues and leadership/ coaches who wanted to see a successful women’s soccer. The team also realized the value of practicing and keeping a humble attitude about their goals.  

On the other hand, the 2000 and 2004 men’s basketball team did not take the same approach of making intentional changes to improve their program. Gribnitz (2008) stated that as the U.S athletes gathered for opening ceremonies, the men’s basketball team temporarily abandoned its self-absorption to acknowledge the women’s softball team. He went on to explain (2008) the men’s team with their million-dollar contracts, entourages, and failure to stay in the Olympic village with other athletes, seemed to treat the national team like a $6.99 ponderosa buffet. There was very little regard to other’s and they did not have a team mentality, they had a “me” mentality, they believed they were above everyone else. For the men’s team, there were missing a dream, passion for the sport, and drive to be part of something great. Gribnitz (2008) explained that in men’s Olympics competition, the highlight mentality has led to “the notion that Americans can out quick and out jump every opponent”, this has led to a sharp decline in the basic fundamentals such as shooting, passing, and defensive positioning. When a team loses sight of where they started, continuous practice of basic moves, and team mentality they regress instead of making positive intentional changes on a team level. This led to a sharp decline of the 2004 men’s basketball team and their loss of the Olympics.

            Overall, the women’s soccer team realized they needed to change, they understood obstacles and barriers they were facing but they did not lose sight of their goals to be a successful team. The coaches understood this as well and they knew they had to work hard to overcome the past and push the team forward, however; the men’s basketball team let the idea of their fame and fortune go to their head and they were unsuccessful and embarrassed their team, and lost the “dream team”.

            From an outside perspective looking in and not really interested in basketball or soccer, I can see where both teams took different paths which led one team to success and the other to failure. When leadership realized there was a problem with the girl's soccer team, they were broke, and needing guidance, they started from scratch to help rebuild the team. The men’s basketball team did not see their ego’s, money, and fame as a problem and failed to see where they needed to improve their skills and leadership did not recognize this right away and the team failed. The intentional change theory on the team level involves knowing the team needs to make changes, recognizing the root of the issue, and making the changes necessary one step at a time.

Akrivou, K., Boyatzis, R. E., & McLeod, P. L. (2006). The evolving group: Towards a prescriptive theory of intentional group development. The Journal of Management Development, 25(7), 689-706. doi:http://dx.doi.org.ezproxy.libproxy.db.erau.edu/10.1108/02621710610678490

Litterer, D. (2011, August 17). Women's Soccer History in the USA: An Overview. Retrieved February 10, 2017, from http://homepages.sover.net/~spectrum/womensoverview.html

Gribnitz, J. (2008, July). A Study of USA Basketball: How the Dream Team became a Nightmare. 

     Retrieved February 10, 2017, from International Society of Olympic Historians website: 

     http://library.la84.org/SportsLibrary/JOH/JOHv16n2/JOHv16n2f.pdf

A641.4.3.RB - Tipping Points of Emotional Intelligence

There are times in my career when I thought I had a grasp on my emotions, leadership skills, and abilities, this led me to believe things at work were smooth sailing. However, something rocked the boat and I had to make a change to refocus my skills for the better. What is one tipping point at work that I experienced, what happened in the situation, what was the result, and would I do anything different next time?

Situation:

            I had been working in my job for almost two years and had a great working relationship with my team members, my job was running smoothly and I was confident with my work. The department was in the middle of hiring a new team member and I was excited to see who would join our team. I had already trained 3 people and I was excited to do this again, I enjoy working with people and getting to know them through training. Day 1, the new employee comes in and I immediately felt something was off but I could not pinpoint why I felt this way, I was uncomfortable and it was unsettling. Day 2, began training with my co-worker and I because we had been in the department longest and we worked together to train the new team members. On this day, the individual started making snide comments, bragging and questioning our knowledge pertaining to our job. This did not settle well for me but I kept trying because I was not going to compromise my standard of work because this individual was making me uncomfortable. A few days passed and this individual was beginning to really get under my skin and their presence was bringing out the worst in me. I finally had to speak with my supervisor and explain I was not able to train this individual because he refused to be quiet long enough to listen, instead the individual was arguing with me. The supervisor spoke with the individual and he finally sat long enough to let us train him.

            However, this did not last long. When the individual was free to work alone, he went back to his behavior he started with and I started to catch him in habitual lies about the work he was doing and cutting corners. The lies would have a direct impact on my work and others in the department. My attitude started to change and I was losing my joy to go to work because I was in a situation where my moral compass was struggling between being honest and letting the person make their mistakes; I stood by quietly knowing my reputation was on the line.

The Result:

            As a result of his behavior toward me, I began to change and was making errors and mistakes with my job because I was stressed being around this individual. Unfortunately, this individual still works in the department but I had to make a choice to stop allowing his behavior and actions to influence my attitude at work. My boss had a project come up and he put us on the project together, this was my tipping point. I realized I had no way out and would have to find a way to work with this individual to complete the project. I did not want to compromise my reputation and forget why I do my job and my passion for my job. I started to pray because I was angry at first, however; through prayer, self-evaluation, and understanding my emotional intelligence, I realized I would not grow as an employee, leader, or supervisor if I was not willing to work with people who challenge me. I took on the project with an open mind and worked with this individual to complete it, I found myself at peace working with him because I knew my attitude and behavior would have a direct impact on the project if I was not willing to cooperate.

           

What would I do differently:

            If I could go back in time and change anything, I would not let this individual get the best of me. I would keep my composure and remind myself in the moment that if I am frustrated or irritated and I lose control of my emotions, I have let another person have control of me. I would go back in time and let feelings roll off and let it be. However, this was a time for me to learn, grow, and build my knowledge as a leader to make better decisions in the future. Formica (2009) shared that one should pay attention to repeated patterns, deconstruct them, and when you are ready ask the questions that need to be asked. Heal yourself, and, in doing so you transform everything around you, your relationship to it and its relationship to you.   

Formica, M. (2009, April 7). Emotional Readiness and the Tipping Point of Change. Emotional Readiness and the Holy Grail. Retrieved February 4, 2017, from Psychology Today website:https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/enlightened-living/200904/

emotional-readiness-and-the-tipping-point-change

A641.3.3.RB - Working with EI: Getting Results!

The four elements of emotional intelligence influence our understanding of our strengths and weaknesses of emotional intelligence. By understanding self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and social skills I can evaluate where I need improvement, where I am balancing the skills, and where in my career I should improve the use of emotional intelligence.  

Self-awareness is having an understanding and knowledge of one’s own self, their emotions, and how they respond to others. This is supported by Sterrett (2014) who stated that it is an awareness of ourselves on many different levels to include our body and our physical reactions. In addition, (2014) stated that the more self-awareness we have the more easily we can adjust our responses to others, and the more mutually satisfying our interactions and transactions. My level of self-awareness is high and often I find it is a virtue and a hindrance because I realize how I express my feelings has a direct reflection of how others respond to me. Areas where I am passionate about something concerning my job, others may not feel the same way, therefore; I set a standard of how I feel something should be done and I believe others should have the same standard. This has a direct reflection as well with social awareness because I may set a high standard for my work ethic, I must accept and understand not everyone has the same passion. It is important for self-improvement and emotional intelligence to not force my views and passions on others, this may turn them away or set myself up for disappointment.

 Self-management is staying in control of one’s self during situations that cause high stress, uncomfortable conditions, or pushing one’s comfort zone. Compton (2010) explained that people with strong emotional self-control manage to stay composed and poised even in stressful situations. This is one area where I must remain fully aware of my body language, tone of my voice, and facial movements because I do not always have to verbally say what I am thinking, it may also be expressed in how I respond using non-verbal communication. This is one area where I continuously need improvement because I am often told that what I am thinking is all over my face, which can be embarrassing. To hide this I will discreetly clench my jaw until the wave of feelings or emotions have passed and I can relax enough to keep my cool under pressure. However, in situations where I am caught off guard, this can be difficult to mask.

In order to overcome an area where I struggle I have to make a conscious effort to stay balanced emotionally and try to not take everything personally. Crompton (2010) provided coaching tips to get a handle on this situation these include remain aware of one’s feelings, keep a journal, pay attention to self-talk, and remember you have a choice.

Within the realm of social skills, I often adapt to the environment even when I am faced with the unknown. I have found that making connections with others is a struggle for both sides when in an unfamiliar situation but I remain aware of my body language, tone of voice, and empathy of others.  Woodcock (2015) shared eight ways to improve one’s social awareness which include:

1.      Learning to identify which situations make one uncomfortable.

2.      Learning to be aware of other’s behaviors that may make you respond negatively.

3.      Taking ownership for one’s behaviors and learning to apologize.

4.      Ask others for their honest feedback about the way you interact with them.

5.      Be aware of body language.

6.      Learn to listen with genuine intent.

7.      Accept that improving your social skills is not an overnight process.

8.      Maximize your positive personality traits and use them to your advantage when interacting with others.

Each of the tips provided will help maximize my efforts to continuously improve my social skills and my understanding of emotional intelligence. Overall, learning to balance the four elements of emotional intelligence is a skill that I will keep working at every day. The knowledge will continue to build and I will constantly reevaluate where I struggle and need improvement to prevent being comfortable and failing to grow.  

Crompton, M. (2010, June). Increase Your Emotional Intelligence through Self-Management. Peoria Magazine. 

Sterrett, E. A. (2014). The Role of Self-Awareness in Emotional Intelligence. Amherst, MA: HRD Press, Inc.

Woodcock, B. (2015, April 9). 8 Steps To Improve Your Social Awareness [Linkedin]. Retrieved January 28, 2017, from https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/ 

     8-steps-improve-your-social-awareness-bob-woodcock-mba 

A641.2.3.RB - Am I a Resonant Leader

Am I a resonant leader?

 I find self-evaluations and reflections difficult because I must look deeply at who I am and answer honestly, which is humbling yet a struggle because I am capable of being honest with myself but I am also able to mentally lie. If I am going to be a resonant leader integrity, inspiration, attitude, compassion, and authentic behavior are important because one cannot lead others if they are not setting the best example.

Am I inspirational and do I inspire others? I would like to believe that I am inspiring and others, including my children, see the work that I do as something to be proud of. Resonant leaders are more than inspiring, they set a positive example, understand feelings and emotions of others, and their behaviors which push them to work harder and overcome challenges they face daily. My co-worker recently pointed out to me that I am an inspiration to her because I work full-time, have a family, go to school, work with the youth group at church but she said what inspires her the most is that I keep going every day despite the struggles I face. You see, about a year and a half ago I had to do the unthinkable with one of my parents, I had to be the one to put a stop to their alcoholism and take them to get help, this hurt more than words could possibly express. But I knew it was time or I would end up burying my parent. I chose not to let the struggle I was facing in my personal life stop me from being a mom, wife, employee, and youth sponsor. She said this inspired her because I faced struggles head on and kept going.

I fall short in areas where I may be put into a vulnerable situation such as confrontation. This is an area where I will back away and keep my feelings to myself and put on a smile to avoid a fight or conflict with another individual. Confrontation puts vulnerability front and center because in conflict emotions are at their peak and rarely do we realize what was expressed, stated, or felt in the moment. This is a time when emotional intelligence lacks and clear thoughtful judgment of decisions is clouded. This also leads to masking authentic behavior at time’s because I avoid conflict for the sake of keeping the peace. This means I am not always who I appear to be on the outside when on the inside I am feeling anger and frustration.

Another area where I found strength in this exercise is compassion for others and their feelings. Recently I was faced with a situation as a supervisor and an employee, the individual I was speaking with was not telling the whole truth. Instead of being upset, angry, or mad due to the circumstances that lead to the conversation, I chose compassion. I realized the individual was leaving out a key piece of information, however; after talking for a while they revealed what was going on and apologized to me for what they had said. Having compassion for others but not being walked on is a fine line, one must know when to push for honesty and when to back off and handle the situation and individual from a different approach.

Overall, the questions helped me understand my personal level as a resonant leader and where I need improvement as a leader. I am not suggesting I should be combative and argumentative because selecting arguments that are worth fighting for is more important than always being right. Instead, being authentic in a more tactful manner is where I need improvement. Compassion, integrity, inspiration are areas where I work diligently to keep an understanding of others to not lose sight and become dissonant. 

A641.1.3.RB - What is Great Leadership

Great leadership is not defined by a simple explanation condensed into a small box because not all leaders and their characteristics will fit inside one small box. Instead, great leadership is inspired by characteristics, actions, behaviors, and skills that drive others to work hard because they feel appreciated, motivated, and confident in their work.

There are two types of leaders that I have worked with over the years that stand out because they worked from opposite ends of the spectrum and their leadership skills had a direct influence and impact on those who worked under them. The resonant leader influenced my life early in my military career and he inspired those around him to work hard, stay motivated, and remain confident in their decisions because one must be sure of their choices, right or wrong, there was always a reason an individual made the choice. On the opposite end, later in life, I came across another individual in a leadership position who did not inspire, motivate, or encourage team members, instead team members were left feeling their choices, decisions, and work did not amount to being enough. Under this leadership, the motivation to work was slowly faded away.

Mourkogiannis (2007) stated that purpose is so powerful because it is founded on deeply held ideas about what is right and what is worthwhile. The individual who I worked for that is an inspiring leader, taught others from his experience as well as listened to those who worked for him; he did not lead with the mindset he knew everything and his subordinates were incompetent. He took the time to hear what others had to say and encouraged his subordinates to work toward their goals, he did not set limits to their abilities and capabilities. Furthermore, (2007) stated that a shared sense of purpose helps build morale, innovation, relationships, leadership, and accountability. This individual shared his purpose with his team members in order to recognize valuable, motivated work ethics to inspire higher standards and influence positive behavior at work.

On the other side, I have worked under another leader who did not motivate, encourage, or inspire team members, instead; he made the individuals who came to him with ideas feel worthless and their ideas would never succeed. The individual would then take the ideas suggested by team members and use them as his own or would not give credit to the individual who suggested the idea. This led to negative feelings from team members and motivation to work hard began to lack. Spitzer (2005) stated that good leaders always take responsibility for failure at whatever level in the organization they occupy. In addition, (2005) went on to say if their initial reaction is “it is someone else’s fault”, especially the fault of their subordinates they need to examine their own motivations and apprehensions and make every effort to reverse this in the future, as well as apologize to those at whom they have pointed their finger. The lack of accountable leadership had an impact on the team and failure to recognize the value of team members had a direct reflection in their attitude, work, and motivation. Unfortunately, the individual did not see a fault with their leadership style and took zero accountability for constant turnover within the team.

Well-rounded or poor leadership will either make or break a team. Those who are in leadership positions must constantly reevaluate their practices, motivation, and personal accountability to others in order to be an effective leader. Spitzer (2005) stated a basic principle of leadership is and will continue to be the buck stops at the top, the highest man on the team is ultimately accountable for all his or her staff and must make sure that the right people are in the right job.

Mourkogiannis, N. (2007). The Starting Point of Great Leadership. Leader to Leader, 2007(44), 26-32.

Spitzer, R. (2005). Leadership failure: A job hazard. Nurse Leader, 3(6), 6.