A641.3.3.RB - Working with EI: Getting Results!

The four elements of emotional intelligence influence our understanding of our strengths and weaknesses of emotional intelligence. By understanding self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and social skills I can evaluate where I need improvement, where I am balancing the skills, and where in my career I should improve the use of emotional intelligence.  

Self-awareness is having an understanding and knowledge of one’s own self, their emotions, and how they respond to others. This is supported by Sterrett (2014) who stated that it is an awareness of ourselves on many different levels to include our body and our physical reactions. In addition, (2014) stated that the more self-awareness we have the more easily we can adjust our responses to others, and the more mutually satisfying our interactions and transactions. My level of self-awareness is high and often I find it is a virtue and a hindrance because I realize how I express my feelings has a direct reflection of how others respond to me. Areas where I am passionate about something concerning my job, others may not feel the same way, therefore; I set a standard of how I feel something should be done and I believe others should have the same standard. This has a direct reflection as well with social awareness because I may set a high standard for my work ethic, I must accept and understand not everyone has the same passion. It is important for self-improvement and emotional intelligence to not force my views and passions on others, this may turn them away or set myself up for disappointment.

 Self-management is staying in control of one’s self during situations that cause high stress, uncomfortable conditions, or pushing one’s comfort zone. Compton (2010) explained that people with strong emotional self-control manage to stay composed and poised even in stressful situations. This is one area where I must remain fully aware of my body language, tone of my voice, and facial movements because I do not always have to verbally say what I am thinking, it may also be expressed in how I respond using non-verbal communication. This is one area where I continuously need improvement because I am often told that what I am thinking is all over my face, which can be embarrassing. To hide this I will discreetly clench my jaw until the wave of feelings or emotions have passed and I can relax enough to keep my cool under pressure. However, in situations where I am caught off guard, this can be difficult to mask.

In order to overcome an area where I struggle I have to make a conscious effort to stay balanced emotionally and try to not take everything personally. Crompton (2010) provided coaching tips to get a handle on this situation these include remain aware of one’s feelings, keep a journal, pay attention to self-talk, and remember you have a choice.

Within the realm of social skills, I often adapt to the environment even when I am faced with the unknown. I have found that making connections with others is a struggle for both sides when in an unfamiliar situation but I remain aware of my body language, tone of voice, and empathy of others.  Woodcock (2015) shared eight ways to improve one’s social awareness which include:

1.      Learning to identify which situations make one uncomfortable.

2.      Learning to be aware of other’s behaviors that may make you respond negatively.

3.      Taking ownership for one’s behaviors and learning to apologize.

4.      Ask others for their honest feedback about the way you interact with them.

5.      Be aware of body language.

6.      Learn to listen with genuine intent.

7.      Accept that improving your social skills is not an overnight process.

8.      Maximize your positive personality traits and use them to your advantage when interacting with others.

Each of the tips provided will help maximize my efforts to continuously improve my social skills and my understanding of emotional intelligence. Overall, learning to balance the four elements of emotional intelligence is a skill that I will keep working at every day. The knowledge will continue to build and I will constantly reevaluate where I struggle and need improvement to prevent being comfortable and failing to grow.  

Crompton, M. (2010, June). Increase Your Emotional Intelligence through Self-Management. Peoria Magazine. 

Sterrett, E. A. (2014). The Role of Self-Awareness in Emotional Intelligence. Amherst, MA: HRD Press, Inc.

Woodcock, B. (2015, April 9). 8 Steps To Improve Your Social Awareness [Linkedin]. Retrieved January 28, 2017, from https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/ 

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A641.2.3.RB - Am I a Resonant Leader

Am I a resonant leader?

 I find self-evaluations and reflections difficult because I must look deeply at who I am and answer honestly, which is humbling yet a struggle because I am capable of being honest with myself but I am also able to mentally lie. If I am going to be a resonant leader integrity, inspiration, attitude, compassion, and authentic behavior are important because one cannot lead others if they are not setting the best example.

Am I inspirational and do I inspire others? I would like to believe that I am inspiring and others, including my children, see the work that I do as something to be proud of. Resonant leaders are more than inspiring, they set a positive example, understand feelings and emotions of others, and their behaviors which push them to work harder and overcome challenges they face daily. My co-worker recently pointed out to me that I am an inspiration to her because I work full-time, have a family, go to school, work with the youth group at church but she said what inspires her the most is that I keep going every day despite the struggles I face. You see, about a year and a half ago I had to do the unthinkable with one of my parents, I had to be the one to put a stop to their alcoholism and take them to get help, this hurt more than words could possibly express. But I knew it was time or I would end up burying my parent. I chose not to let the struggle I was facing in my personal life stop me from being a mom, wife, employee, and youth sponsor. She said this inspired her because I faced struggles head on and kept going.

I fall short in areas where I may be put into a vulnerable situation such as confrontation. This is an area where I will back away and keep my feelings to myself and put on a smile to avoid a fight or conflict with another individual. Confrontation puts vulnerability front and center because in conflict emotions are at their peak and rarely do we realize what was expressed, stated, or felt in the moment. This is a time when emotional intelligence lacks and clear thoughtful judgment of decisions is clouded. This also leads to masking authentic behavior at time’s because I avoid conflict for the sake of keeping the peace. This means I am not always who I appear to be on the outside when on the inside I am feeling anger and frustration.

Another area where I found strength in this exercise is compassion for others and their feelings. Recently I was faced with a situation as a supervisor and an employee, the individual I was speaking with was not telling the whole truth. Instead of being upset, angry, or mad due to the circumstances that lead to the conversation, I chose compassion. I realized the individual was leaving out a key piece of information, however; after talking for a while they revealed what was going on and apologized to me for what they had said. Having compassion for others but not being walked on is a fine line, one must know when to push for honesty and when to back off and handle the situation and individual from a different approach.

Overall, the questions helped me understand my personal level as a resonant leader and where I need improvement as a leader. I am not suggesting I should be combative and argumentative because selecting arguments that are worth fighting for is more important than always being right. Instead, being authentic in a more tactful manner is where I need improvement. Compassion, integrity, inspiration are areas where I work diligently to keep an understanding of others to not lose sight and become dissonant. 

A641.1.3.RB - What is Great Leadership

Great leadership is not defined by a simple explanation condensed into a small box because not all leaders and their characteristics will fit inside one small box. Instead, great leadership is inspired by characteristics, actions, behaviors, and skills that drive others to work hard because they feel appreciated, motivated, and confident in their work.

There are two types of leaders that I have worked with over the years that stand out because they worked from opposite ends of the spectrum and their leadership skills had a direct influence and impact on those who worked under them. The resonant leader influenced my life early in my military career and he inspired those around him to work hard, stay motivated, and remain confident in their decisions because one must be sure of their choices, right or wrong, there was always a reason an individual made the choice. On the opposite end, later in life, I came across another individual in a leadership position who did not inspire, motivate, or encourage team members, instead team members were left feeling their choices, decisions, and work did not amount to being enough. Under this leadership, the motivation to work was slowly faded away.

Mourkogiannis (2007) stated that purpose is so powerful because it is founded on deeply held ideas about what is right and what is worthwhile. The individual who I worked for that is an inspiring leader, taught others from his experience as well as listened to those who worked for him; he did not lead with the mindset he knew everything and his subordinates were incompetent. He took the time to hear what others had to say and encouraged his subordinates to work toward their goals, he did not set limits to their abilities and capabilities. Furthermore, (2007) stated that a shared sense of purpose helps build morale, innovation, relationships, leadership, and accountability. This individual shared his purpose with his team members in order to recognize valuable, motivated work ethics to inspire higher standards and influence positive behavior at work.

On the other side, I have worked under another leader who did not motivate, encourage, or inspire team members, instead; he made the individuals who came to him with ideas feel worthless and their ideas would never succeed. The individual would then take the ideas suggested by team members and use them as his own or would not give credit to the individual who suggested the idea. This led to negative feelings from team members and motivation to work hard began to lack. Spitzer (2005) stated that good leaders always take responsibility for failure at whatever level in the organization they occupy. In addition, (2005) went on to say if their initial reaction is “it is someone else’s fault”, especially the fault of their subordinates they need to examine their own motivations and apprehensions and make every effort to reverse this in the future, as well as apologize to those at whom they have pointed their finger. The lack of accountable leadership had an impact on the team and failure to recognize the value of team members had a direct reflection in their attitude, work, and motivation. Unfortunately, the individual did not see a fault with their leadership style and took zero accountability for constant turnover within the team.

Well-rounded or poor leadership will either make or break a team. Those who are in leadership positions must constantly reevaluate their practices, motivation, and personal accountability to others in order to be an effective leader. Spitzer (2005) stated a basic principle of leadership is and will continue to be the buck stops at the top, the highest man on the team is ultimately accountable for all his or her staff and must make sure that the right people are in the right job.

Mourkogiannis, N. (2007). The Starting Point of Great Leadership. Leader to Leader, 2007(44), 26-32.

Spitzer, R. (2005). Leadership failure: A job hazard. Nurse Leader, 3(6), 6.